Butterfly Moments

"I think the one lesson I have learned
is that there is no substitute for paying attention."
-- Diane Sawyer

Do you ever think about moments that change your life? I’ve started calling them Butterfly Moments, from the chaos theory metaphor that states that when a butterfly flaps its wings in Chile, it causes a tornado in Chicago. In the same fashion, some small, seemingly meaningless moments change the entire trajectory of our lives.

One Butterfly Moment happend during a weekend from college that I spent visiting my aunt Lerrea in Tulsa. My cousin Gary and I were almost the same age and I had dated his best friend. At the time, however, I was very serious about a Marine and one of my favorite pieces of clothing was his old Marine Corps sweatshirt. That Saturday morning I dressed in my cut-off wheat jeans (I am really dating myself, uh?) and that garish yellow and red sweatshirt. However, something stopped me and, for some reason, I changed shirts. Later that day, my ex-boyfriend stopped by and we talked for awhile and then went out for a drive and proceeded on almost in a straight line to a twelve-year marriage. That marriage took me to California where the threads of my present life wove themselves into a new tapestry, one that I’m sure would look entirely different if I had worn that Marine Corp brand that long ago Saturday morning.

Ann Swain identified a similar moment when she walked into a calculus classroom carrying arrows for her archery class and captured the attention of her future (and present) husband. No arrows; no attention. Jorge Vanegas, civil engineering professor at Georgia Tech, traces his life path back to a moment when his boss dropped a leaflet on his desk and it opened up a new world.

What life would I have lived if I had worn that sweatshirt? What life path would have stretched before Ann if she had not carried those arrows? Where would Jorge be today if not for that leaflet? What does it mean if seemingly meaningless moments can carry such meaning? These moments are always outside our logical mind. Ann didn’t think, "If I carry these arrows, I’ll meet the love of my life." Jorge didn't say, "Wow, I'm going to be a college professor in Atlanta."

So, if some small moments can be linked directly to major life changes, does it mean that all small moments carry such portent? A left turn instead of a right and we’re in a different life? How does it change the way we approach life if we know that every moment, every action has the power of a butterfly?

I would love to hear your thoughts and your stories about your own Butterfly Moments. Please add them in the comments section below.

Comments

[John Moore]

Here's one I found in Curt Rosengren's blog.(http://curtrosengren.typepad.com/occupationaladventure/2004/04/making_an_impac.html)
"I recently read No Horizon is so Far, the book about their Antarctica expedition, and for the first 95% of it found it to be a fun, motivating tale of determination and drive. Inspiring in a "you-can-do-anything-you-set-your-mind-to" kind of way. At the end though, I got something completely different out of it that struck a deep chord for me.

Towards the end, Liv and Anne were both depressed because, while they had reached the end of the land mass, technically crossing Antarctica, they hadn’t been able to finish off the Ross Ice Shelf before their departure deadline, which extends another 400 miles. They were talking by satellite phone from Antarctica to a class of Minnesota schoolkids when one of the kids, named Logan, changed their perspective. [Following is a paragraph from the book.]

He leaned over the phone and simply said, ‘I just wanted to tell you that both of you have been real role models for me. Sometimes I have a hard time with school, and I just used to feel like there were lots of things that I could never do. And now that you guys have done this, I see that I can do anything I put my mind to. You changed my life.’"

[Brian Alger]

I was introduced to the idea of "Butterfly Moments" through a post by John Moore(http://www.roundourhouse.com/blog/archives/000273.html). He and I have been having an exchange of ideas about conversations of great quality.

I think one of the things that can cause a butterfy moment is the realization of our own mortality. It seems to have a way of bringing what is most important in life into clearer focus. The story I shared in the above posting is a butterfly moment for me, and was preceded by an inspiring speech by Stephen Lewis(http://www.experiencedesignernetwork.com/archives/000366.html) the day before about the HIV/AIDS pandemic in South Africa.

What I like most about the idea of "Butterfly Moments" is the close connection to the power of narrative to transform our lives. This is a deep form of creativity. Joseph Campbell speaks of this quite wonderfully:

"It's important to live your life with the experience, and therefore the knowledge, of its mystery and your own mystery. This gives life new radiance, a new harmony, a new splendor. Thinking in mythological terms helps to put you in accord with the inevitable of this vale of tears. You learn to recognize the positive values in what appear to be the negative moments and aspects of your life. The big question is whether you are going to say a hearty yes to your adventure."

[Gregory Humphrey]

My big butterfly moment happened in December of 1972. That's when I was supposed to report for a pre-induction physical for the Army. I'd received a low draft number earlier and the pre-induction physical notice was a wake-up call. I knew I didn't want to be drafted into the Army so I stopped by the local Arrmed Forces recruiting office. I was willing to talk to the Navy or the Air Force, but as it turned out, the Navy was out and the Air Force was in. About a month and a half later I was on my way to Lackland AFB in San Antonio, Texas and the most wonderful life I could ever have imagined. Over the next 21 and a half years, I went places, saw things, experienced events that I never would have imagined possible when I was growing up. I've had the opportunity to live in different cultures, in this country and overseas. I've seen a volcano erupt and evactuated from a hurricane on the Gulf coast. I've experience dust storms in Texas, floods in Alabama, and a wind storm in Illinois that was strong enough to blow down a chain link fence. But mostly it's the people I met along the way. I don't think you can find a finer, smarter, more dedicated group of people in the world than the folks that make up the Air Force. Fortunately for me, after I retired from active duty, I had another of those butterfly moments and found my way back to the Air Force as a civilian employee. For me that means a continuation of a love affair that began over 30 years ago. It means every day I get to hear the sound that always brings goose bumps, the sound of jet noise - the sound of freedom.

[Linden Gossen]

You posed the question, "How does it change the way we approach life if we know that every moment, every action has the power of a butterfly?" If we apply this as a forward looking statement, I see it as a quick path to insanity. (Should I pick up that pencil? Oh no, I've picked it up. Should I put it back down?) I think that the "butterfly moments" (a very nice phrase) are our way of constructing our personal mythology, but in reflection, not in anticipation. We look back to see (and maybe understand just a little) the golden moments. This changes who we are and makes us, hopefully, appreciative of the inscrutable mystery that life is.

[Harald Benning]

I spent my industrial placement while at university with a large oilfield services company. During this time I had to go offshore to perform and learn about what the company did and put into practice what I had learned. One weekend when I was on duty, my pager failed and consequently when I turned up on Monday morning, another student was sent offshore for a week instead of me. I was disappointed by the failure of new technology and the missed opportunity to learn something new (and get my offshore bonus), not to mention that my boss and crew were not happy.

However, there was a dinner that evening to celebrate the base new safety record and a couple of executives from the head office were visiting to celebrate this with us. I did not want to go, but my parents convinced me to go, and I ended up sitting next to the Health, Safety & Environment executive president in the bus from the base to the restaurant. In all honesty, I can say that he spoke more to me than I spoke to him, but this conversation landed me with a prestigious 3 month industrial placement in Cambridge (UK) to write my thesis and an 8 year successful career with that company.

What would have happened if that pager had worked ? Or if I stubbornly had decided not to go to the function ?

[Ann Swain]

One of my Butterfly Moments happened about 25 years ago during my first quarter of college, I was in the pre-engineering curriculum and was taking a Trigonometry/Pre-Calculus class in a large auditorium filled with a couple of hundred students. I was also taking Archery that same quarter, which was scheduled right after my Trig class. I had some of my arrows stolen earlier that quarter, so I started carrying the arrows with me to Trig. I walked into the huge classroom with my quiver full of arrows slung on my back, and attracted the attention of my future husband. He figured I was a unique person who wasn't afraid to be different, and decided that I was the girl of his dreams. The next quarter we sat down next to each other in a Calculus class, and he introduced himself. We dated for 2 years, broke up for 3 years, and then got back together again. We've been married for 18 years.